iPad Quasi-Comparison

Over at my alter ego, I just posted a comparison of Apple's new tablet computer to that OTHER famous set of tablets. I'm reposting it here because it's technical. Sort of. And funny. At least I hope.

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Earlier this week I posted a comment about how Steve Jobs was showing off his “Tablet” just a week before we read the Torah portion Yitro, where the Israelites experienced the Revelation, receiving the 10 Commandments directly from the mouth of God, and the 2 Tablets of the Law (hereafter using the Hebrew name: “Luchos”) soon after.
My good friend and blogger Phil Setnik pointed out that, given yesterday’s revelation in San Francisco, it would be a useful service to readers everywhere to contrast and compare both the Luchos and the iPad keep the two straight. Along with running an awesome blog on his Jewish general musings, Phil has been a mentor and resource to me in my Jewish journey for years. So it’s really wonderful to work on this list together.
Here’s what we came up with:
How they are alike

• Both were revealed to the masses of faithful in a single moment of excitement
• Standing ovation for Steve Jobs. Many congregations stand when 10 commandments are read in synagogue.
• Both have a an elegantly simple and concise layout and design
• Infinitely adaptable. iPad has the AppStore to provide variety. 10 Commandments have thousands of years of commentary and interpretation, with no end in sight.
• Both speak to coveting. Although the Luchos state you SHOULDN’T, while iPad subtly implies you SHOULD.
• Both heavily leverage the letter “i”. iPad and “I am THE LORD”
• Both come at an acceptable price-point. Fully loaded iPad: ~$800. Luchos: commitment to teach it to our children for all generations.
• Both require additional parts for greater functionality – dongles for the iPad, the Oral Law for the Luchos.
• Both are breakable: Luchos broken by Moshe, iPad will probably fall victim to the “Will it Blend?” guy.

How they are NOT the same

• Luchos were universally accepted (Naaseh v’nishma). iPad, not so much.
• Luchos contain 10 applications that are to be run simultaneously. iPad only runs one at a time.
• iPad has no camera. Luchos come with the implication that Hashem is always watching
• iPad runs 10 hours on a single charge. Luchos are clocking in at ~3300 years and counting since its original “charge”
• iPad is 7.5×9.5 and 1.5 lbs. Chances are Luchos were a bit larger and heavier than that (although Rabbis say the words were so holy the Luchos has no weight at all!)
• Luchos didn’t display YouTube videos. This is a GOOD thing.
• Much harder to work the Luchos into a joke about feminine hygiene products.
• iWork not compatible with other document formats. Luchos readable in all 70 languages of humanity.
• iPad OS is based on Unix. Luchos don’t really put much store in eunuchs.
• iPad made in China of glass and aluminum. Luchos made in Heaven of pieces of Sapphire carved from the heavenly throne. Jobs wanted this, but balked at the price.
• iPad target audience is uncertain; Luchos target audience is potentially everyone.
• iPad has open source underpinnings with a proprietary interface. Luchos have a proprietary kernel with open source overlays.
• iPad has an oleophobic coating to help avoid fingerprints. Luchos: What, a little chicken fat? Couldn’t hurt.